“Each divorce is the death of a small civilization” wrote novelist Pat Conroy.
Are you exhausted from grieving? Are you drained from the betrayal of divorce and
broken dreams?
Are you happy to embrace a new life?
Are you grieving the loss of friends and family as well as your spouse? It can be
common for people to take sides.
Each divorce is as different as the two people in it.
No matter what your circumstances are, it is an ideal time to turn some attention to
your health, healing and wellbeing for your future life.
Divorcing a high conflict personality is a special kind of hell on earth. It is especially
important to find a way to reset and calm your nervous system.
Years ago, I treated a woman who went through a year long high stress custody battle.
There is such a thing as a cortisol let down. After high stress, cortisol levels drop and
the person often gets sick. When her year long battle was over, she was sadly
diagnosed with both MS and cancer.
I think it’s important to maintain self care through the process to prevent disease.
A good workup is in order.
Also, a great therapist may be a lifesaver to help you discern patterns that need to be
broken.
Acupuncture and homeopathy will not suppress the grief but are likely to make the
process more gentle.
It is an appropriate time to assess your nutrient levels and hormones so you can have
the fuel it takes to go through the life change.
Divorce can be an initiation where we go through a tight constricted space and can
emerge with more authenticity and spaciousness.
I encourage you to individuate, find who you are, your interests, your friends of your
heart and what your path is for a fulfilling life.
If I can support you during this process, please feel free to reach out to 503-241-5094.
For The Breakup of a Relationship
by John O’Donohue
Now you endeavor
to gather yourself
And withdraw in slow
Animal woundedness
From love turned sour and ungentle.
When we love, the depth in us
Trusts itself forward until
The empty space between
Becomes gradually woven
Into an embrace where longing
Can close its weary eyes.
Love can seldom end clean;
For all the tissue is torn
And each lover turned stranger
Is dropped into a ruin of distance
Where emptiness is young and fierce.
Time becomes strange and slipshod;
It mixes memories that felt
The kiss of the eternal
With the blistering hurt of now.
Unknown to themselves
Certain small things
Touch nerve-lines to the heart
And bring back with color and force
All that is utterly lost.
This is the time to be slow
Lie low to the wall
Until the bitter weather passes.
Try, as best you can, not to let
The wire brush of doubt
Scrape from your heart
All sense of yourself
And your hesitant light.
If you remain generous,
Time will come good;
And you will find your feet
Again on fresh pastures of promise,
Where the air will be kind
And blushed with beginning.
From the book To Bless the Space Between Us A Book of Blessings