Today I want to talk to you about a concept most people don’t want to breach. Evil exists.
Most health coaches and naturopathic doctors talk about healthy lifestyle choices to create health.
I am here to educate you on a major one to prevent major health issues: Discerning and setting boundaries with sociopaths…
In her book, The Sociopath Next door by Harvard trained psychologist Dr. Martha Stout , she discusses the Law of 3’s: If you catch a person in 3 lies, don’t trust them with your heart or your money.
The premise of it is that if they are caught in 3 lies, odds are they have no conscience and are likely a sociopath.
After 3 lies, cut bait on business and personal relationships.
In the last few weeks, I have spoken with 6 patients who were conned in love or out of money. For one person, it meant their entire retirement funds.
My Jungian psychology teacher Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes says many of these experiences could be avoided if we did more preliminary research before getting entangled with someone.
I have repeatedly seen that these acts of boundary violations for the recipient cause PTSD. Physiologically this often manifests as a neurological and hormonal injury.
Restoring peace to your body after betrayal is key for the healing process.
How do we do that? Being in nature in places that nurture us, walks in the woods, having safe friends and professional allies, acupuncture, yoga, meditation, contemplative prayer, eating nourishing food, exercise that you love.
To assess a neurological injury, I ask, are there neurological symptoms? Can you get out of the state of hyperarousal (fight or flight) and access peace?
How is sleep? Pain? Anxiety? PTSD triggers?
The human world seems to be composed of prey and predators just as the animal world. For a while, keep your circle small with those you know are safe.
I have worked with crime victims and organizations for crime victims both in the Pacific Northwest and in Arizona. Trauma bonding and Stockholm syndrome are real. No contact allows for cognitive dissonance to diffuse and for seeing clearly to begin.
Anti-apartheid activist Steve Biko said “the biggest weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed.” His wisdom brings us to working with our minds. How can we do that?
Mindfulness training such as meditation, EMDR. acupuncture. redirecting our thoughts, getting into our senses, emotional freedom technique tapping, focusing on what we can control and openly talking with someone safe. Focusing on the character disordered person is out of our control, so with one foot in front of the other keep asking, what can you control? Homeopathy can also be helpful to relieve states of shock.
The Alaskan Eskimo word for forgiveness is the word Issu-magi-jou-jun-nai-ner-mik, It means “I can’t think about it anymore” The word basically means to not even think about it. I like this aspect of forgiveness so our energy is redirected to what is life giving.
For the neurological injury, limit stimuli to bright lights and noises as much as possible but especially in the evening and at night. Watch your stress responses to certain people and situations and make healing choices. Have compassion for yourself.
Consider an adrenal stress profile and a hormone panel.
While a clinician may guess, we don’t know the full extent of hormonal injury until we test. If you have had a traumatic experience with a sociopath, It may be time to trust a provider who has helped patients restore their nervous system and balance their hormones. I am happy to be that person for you. Acupuncture can help rewire the nervous system into a calmer state.
Resources:
High Conflict Institute founded by Bill Eddy, therapist and lawyer
Book: The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.
Book: The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout, PhD